Czechdiamond: breaking down agian!!

Czechdiamond

Friday, June 18, 2004

hey all, im doing it agiain, im agonizing over everything, im asking questions to myself and searching for the answer, the answers that i still cant find, im crying over everything! Im breaking down Again! i feel like taking to many pills, and letting my self slowly drift away, and go to a place that im not even sure excist anymore. Hell? The Devil? Heavan? The almighty GOD? I want to believe in somthing bigger, somthing watching over all the evils in the world and knowing even though everything is going to hell right now it will all be good in the end! but some how i cant! i cant get back to that girl that everyone loved and was always happy, really happy, not the fake happiness that i put on for everyone and no one sees through, the real happy girl! i want to be her again, i want to let everyone in to my world i want to take the chance of getting hurt but feel the happiness of loving them while you have them! i want to tell everyone all the secrets i keep to my self! and there i go again asking questions and coming with conclusions that cant be answered and wanting whats impossible to have! I want those pills right now, it be so easy to just fade away, to leave this world of sorrow, to have no worry no pain, no shield to protect your self with! and when ive faded away i want to complete it by becoming dust and i want my dust to be throwin at night into the frio river! i want to have no evidence of my living! but when it trully comes down to it i cant do it ive been at that pnt and have had the pills in my hands atleast twice but im to weak, i strive to be emotionally strong to never show it! but i still digust my self with my weakness's!

-crystal-

Crystal @ 5:33 PM | comment

: Name: Crystal; Location: cypress, Texas, United States

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