My mom is still in the hospitial (2 weeks) and im sad and dpressed and angry and frustrated and i just need her right now she's become my best friend and she is the only reason i stay in this damn house if she hnas to stay in there any longer i think im going to just walk out! im so upset right now, everything is going to hell right now and although she never can get me completly non=depressed, she atleast make's me feel a bit better to were i dont just want to die!!
i want Derrick to come over and just hold me and comfort me, but i cant call him cause he's out getting drunk and hanging out with his best friends, so for one i dont know there number and two i wouldnt ruin his good time just cause i want to fuckin die right now. I never would call him up crying cause i dont want him to feel sorry for me or think of me of as a cry baby grl...i really wish i could talk to him about everything but i guess some things are just better of as a secret! But i still want my babe here w/ me! :(
Ive been up to the hospitial everyday since tuesday to visit my mom, and i spent the night last night! she had open heart surgery wendsday so i was a bit scared about the whole thing but she's fine now just recovering! peggy wanted me to spend the night this weekend and derick wanted me to say i was spending th nights some were elses and go to a party and stay up with him friday and sat. go to the movies but yeah! ive been at the hospitial i hope they can understand that! most of all derick cause i havent talked to him! i called when i got home at 11:00 tonight but his mom said he was at the movies so i dont know! Although i can honeslty say i dont love derick as a boyfriend yet...i do love him as a friend and i really wonder if we dint rush into this a lil to fast, i hope i dint make a mistake! but im not going to give up i just 2nd thoughts everyonce in a while! im really glad we dint rush thing's sexually he's had so much respect so far and i love that! jess. went to rehab im so proud of her she wanted to quite she put herself in there, she's the one that wanted to change it that takes alot of strength! Thruthfully it helps me to stop craving the drugs to a point too! cause i dont hear about her wonderfull night of X or coke or whatever she's on that specific night! i just hope the 2 weeks she'll be gone will be enough for me!! its been 3 weeks now! im proud of myself and its hasnt been easy but i did it! so anywayz! im gonna go! later!
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