Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Havent written in a while, soo what a better time then now since everything's a issue atm.....so if you had read my journal at them beginning (which most probl. havent) i had written quite a few things in here about a guy called endrew, a friend was trying to hook me up with him but at that time i dint want a relationship, so we talked for a while but he still wanted somthing more and the whole idea was kinda scary (not in a bad just that i wasnt rdy) so i ended it when things started getting serious! well last thursday endrew called and i dint reconize the name at first when i looked at it but it looked familar and sunday i finally put 2 and 2 together and relized it was endrew so i called back.....and it was a bit weird but at least we got things out in the open seems he's been blaming him self for the sudden diconnection of us talking (he wasnt all like omg im gonna kill myselfhe was just kinda like "dude i fucked up, i know i did somthing wrong it my fault" type of thought everyonce in a while) so i guess now he knows it was totally my fault so yah...and i told him staright up im talking with kody now...and im not going to ditch kody just cause im ready for a relationship and endrew happens to come back around! truthfully i miss talking to him, we could talk for hours and it never really got boring! plus we talked everyday! and most the night!(kinda became an isane habit) but me and kody are talking now and just cause kody isnt exactly idealistic for me, i cant give up, that's my biggest probl. is i always give up! kody's a great guy and for some reason i like him alot with out knowing exactly why! so yeah! And just to add to the week Derik wrote me a letter telling me just how much he cares for me and he's liked me for a long time but it always seemed like the wrong time, and it really sucks cause i love derik ive known him since freshman yr. and im unable to tell him that i have someone, i need to just tell him and get it over with but im so scared of his reaction (he can be a huge dick if he's mad at you, and im just one of the very few few people that have never pissed him off, and i dont want that to change) hmm.....what else could be added to this week oh yah my former kinda friend w/ more benifits then friends, David, called me this week and i assume want's to try to hook back up with me or get some ass (which aint happening) cause he had been trying to get me to come over! Fuck that shit!!
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