Friday, October 01, 2004
Growing up it was so much easier to just not care how you appeared to everyone else! before I got up in the morning's took a shower went to school no makeup, no hours of doing my hair, just all natural me, i put on whatever i felt like, i had tons of great friends who actually gave a damn, then i wanted to be liked by guys like all those girls that looked like they were 20 when they were just turning 11, it looked like the guys really cared, i had guy friends, but not the one's you ever would want to go out with when you were in middle school, and somewhere between 7-11th grade i guess i started to assume that the fake tan's, pounds of makeup, straight hair, cleavage and being skinny was how you got guys attention, it was how you made them love you! Now makeup is daily (god forbid you leave the house without it) tight pants and shirt's are a must, watching what i eat (afraid of gaining just a tiny pound), tanning when i get to white, having to get up to damn early to take a shower and style my hair, trying to be perfect, now im surrounded by guys who just want sex, guys who dont care about giving you a disease as long as they get off, fake friends, boyfriends who cheat, guys now dont look at me and see a good friend they look at me and see pleasure.....its all about drugs, alchohal and getting layed now! i dint want it to be like this, i dint think it was like this, those bueatifull girls looked so happy in there fake little lives! now i feel fake and im disgusted with my self, it just really sucks and i know im the only one to blame i grew up to fast and now i cant go back! it just really sucks! and i could try to change and better myself but i know hat ive tryed before, and in a few weeks i will be back to where i am now!
Whoever may read this, i know you probl. have heard this over and over again, but just in case, dont be in such a rush to grow up its not all that fun, its full sorrow, heart break, depressiona a whole bunch of shit you shoulnt have to deal with yet! tons of people told me this and i was still in a hurry, i dint listen, but maybey you will!
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