Thursday, September 30, 2004
i love my dad's new job! now on thurday's and friday's everyone goe's to work before me and comes home around 6 to 7! so im able to skip and not worry about them being home, or wondering if there in the same area they are cause ill know were they are! i skipped the whole day today, me and jess get to school and kristen pulls up next to us in her truck (so jealous, i want a truck) and were talking and kristen pops out with yall just want to skip...so being that i had a test today that i dint really want to take i was all for it and jess. finally buckled in and decided to sooo we went to IHOP and had an actuall breakfast, the international passport breakfast mmmmm!!!, yum yum and we went and checked out some spartment's and there prices! we went back to kristen's aparment, (which kristen asured me that you can leave when your 17, well ofcourse she ended up movig in with her b/f who she left a lil while ago then came back after he agreed he would never hit her again and that he never ment to hurt her, but thats not the point, the point is i can leave this summer!) then we called a few peeps, David had some connections so we went to pick him up and get some stuff and david almost jumped out of the car to fuckin fight this kid (nick), he's our age and i actually new him pretty well, so we came back to nick a lil later with kasey and nick came out of the house with a fuckin kitchen knife in his pocket, and was still scared of david it was pretty funny, went smoked some and went to pick niki up from school (niki is kasey's girlfriend) and they took me home so i could babysit! so yeah it was an intresting day!
this sucks though cause i ussed money yesterday when i went shopping used more to day on brekfast and then some stuff from david and this month i have to buy ticket to some type of country fest (pat green's going to be there and hell alot of other country singer's), homecoming weekend (still have to buy a dress), and were going to try to get our whole grp to get high and go to a few haunted houses! then its jessica's birthday weekend (which for some reason i told her id make plans for (i have to call all the grp figure out were we are eating were we are going etc..) and inbetween all this shit brady and jeremy want me to make time to hang out with both them it be cool, maybey this friday brady sat. jeremy i dont know! lol oh and not to mention brady's going aways party and maybey to brady's sister's wedding id me bradys date grr... to much!!!!!!! so yah im gonna be spending lots of money which sucks cause i dont get paid that much! so yeah
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
last weekend was wonderfull i have picture's of the wedding ill be posting those soon! sat. night i spen the night with sandy we were going to try to get me in a club with them but since my just married brother was being an ass and said they woulnt let me in ended up drinking the rest of the night and getting pissed at brady, he wanted me to come over to dylon's apartment and leave sandy who could have went out clubbing but stayed home with me instead! and he woulnt come over to her apartment so since i was in a pissy mood about my brother not hanging out with us on his wedding night (which i thought we were pretty close so i figure we would atleast hang out one night before he left for his honey moon but whatever that's another story ill have to write about later) so i was pretty bitchy to brady but i apoligized the next day told him it was just cause i had been drinking but i was a lil pissed off at some of the shit he was saying but yeah so sunday went with jess to wash her car at the self car wash down the street she is such a girl lol she was like what do i do? but it was funny then we went to go get justin her friend and get him some drugs but they dropped me off first...and i went shopping with my sister yesterday got a cutsie pink shirt and its not me at all so i probl. wont ever wear it to school agian i dont like getting dressed for school any more if i had a choice i would probl just wear what i wore to bed but then again i coulnt do that cause i dont hardly wear anything! probl. were some sofie and a baggy shirt everyday!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Jermey took me home today...it was so funny cause he left his lights on so his battery was dead and we had to have some friend of his start jump his truck he kept saying this is so fuckin embarassing i told him it was funny!! so yeah when they finally got it started and what i dint relize untell they came a bunch of his friends were riding with us too! so yeah it was kinda intresting a truck full of guys and 1 girl! i was so quite though i dint know what to say lol they were all talking about stero systems and car shit soo yea! well thats all for now! i want to move so bad the more i think about it there more i realize how much easier it would be!!!!!! grrr... ill write more laterz
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
so ive been good i suppose...brady got mad at me, and i got really depressed but were over it now! its so hard to talk to him cause everytime he tell's me to call and i do hes out w/ friends and its to noisy to talk! but whatever!
i really really dont want to be in school, its so funny how my opinions changed when i first was in highschool i was all school spirit and loved the people and of course i was in the drama but i hated to work and the teacher's etc.. and now its the totall opisite not that i love the work or the teacher's just i dont mind that stuff, but i hate the people and im not at all school spirited, i just hate the crowded halls the horny boy's the imaturity, the whole thing just disgust me! and its not like i go to school to see anybody cause almost everyone i hang with are out of highschool! grr... the gayness!!
Jess. is scaring me so bad, she's starting to get fucked up everyday and doing coke and bars....and the worst part of me worring is i cant tell her anything about it or warn her cause i know if i was given a drug i would take it too....and i am going to try a whole bunch of shit too...but its diff. cause its not me that's doing it's her and i dont want her to scru up she has so much shit going for her i atleast would rather be there with her so i could watch out for her...its just fuckin scaring me! exspecially since the fuckin 3 people got killed yeah she's hanging out with all those people that were there and friends with all them! nicky and all them want me to come hang out with them but as much as i want to im afraid if i start hanging out with them even if it was just to watch jess's back i would get caught up in the shit too! i dont know we will just see what happens!!
Saturday, September 18, 2004
i went to pick up the dresses with peg. yesterday, we dropped by brady's first they were all bugging us to go swimming, we told them maybey! we got the dresses, went to her house i called mark k. i havent seen him in like a year and he lives right next to peggy so i wanted to go visit...mark new who i was from my voice i was so suprised, cause most guy's dont! and he was like come visit i havent seen you in a long time! we went over there hung out w/ him and his bro., mark was still being his old perverted, smart ass self but that's what i love about him..he got mad at us when he found out that we were talking to guys that were so much older lol ...BTW ive known mark since i was 11 or 10, ....even though brady's great i feel so much more comftorable around mark and shit so i wanted to stay...but we needed to get back to figure out what we were doing i got short's and a bathing suit on just in case we went to dylan's pool and then we went back over to mark's he invited us in and ronnie mark's bro is soo sweet, im wondering why mark turned out so diff. he's suppose to learn from his older bro. isnt he?, lol we went to there room's mark has soo many rebel flags in his room its funny i love his room, there so fuckin rascist, but i dont care! i had to have a talk with mark about how he treats girl's it was funny! after a while we left to go hang out with dylan and brady and i kinda dint want to but it turned out to be fun brady finally got a lil more aggresive we were all just fuckin around, brady was a lil mad that we showed up so late, i could tell he asked were we were i told him a friends then he asked if we could come hang out with them tommorow and i told him that and old friend wanted to hang out with us and they asked first so i dont know he asked who i told him mark...and he all got pissy cause it was a guy, he kept making smart ass remarks that it was a fuck buddy, and after a while i got pissed he's all like baby im just kidding and so i decided to be a bitch and do the same thing to him so when he asked if i plz would come over tommorow i told him but i might be to busy fucking mark or something like that and he finally got pissed when i said mark will probl. be more enjoyment....he all walked away but he got me mad but i grabbed his arm like he always does to me and he came back! lol i neded to get home...and when we were getting out i wrapped my legs around him and he all carried me out he's so sexy! i love the way he just pick's me up or when i start to walk away from him he grabs me to pull me back to him! but anyways i was 40 minute's late and brady was all beggin me to be nice to my parents and not argue with them! but yeah i argued owell...its a daily thing so its not like im not use to it!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
so the football player that i had orginally liked, whom was all over some other chick and i thought he liked her so i stoped talking to him, say's he in fact dosent like her, and asked for my number and aim name hmmm your probl wondering.. what was my reply??, well you'd think since i have Brady and since i like Brady alot, and there's so many better qaulities, such as maturity, and how sweet he is,and how hes not a jock, etc... youd think that i would tell the very sexy tall muscule football player that " so sorry your just to late im talking to someone else now who means alot more to me then you" and tell him to "fuck off" but no for some reason i give it to him (omg im an idiot) why dint i just give him my address too!! lol yeah i have issue's!! one sec. i dont have anyone and now i have 2 guys, ooh and a lezbo that wants to fuck me! yeah isnt that lovley! i know that i need to stop and think of brady, and think of the fact that i feel bad about this so it must be wrong but i like them both!! and there both player's so mayby i could play them, and im techniclly not going out with either of them right? grr... but i need to stop that and find one, and only one, even if he scrues me over atleast i wont be that bad person!! i guess when i talk to jeremy ill just have to keep repeating Brady in my head! ill see brady tommorow and everything will be fine!! sooo brady want's me to come over tonight "hello again", im still living in my parents house and its a school night sweetie! believe me if i could i would but some how i dont think that my parents are going to believe that im going over to peggy's house and working on homework at 7 to 10, oh yeah mom we were doing are home work in the pool that's why im all wet! these are the times i was living in my on my own!
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
peggy came over to babysit the kids while i was gone getting my dress fitted for the wedding, and she called dylon to get brady's number for me! i called him :) he was sleeping :( he said it was fine but i told him to go back to sleep and id call him later! i went got my dress fitted it looks alot better but i wanted the to get it tighter farther down but they said if they did that then they would have to do the whole dress, atleast its better right lol! friday im suppose to go pick them up! i forgot to call brady when i got but he called me and he had to go do somthing so again we had a short convo., i called him back like 2 hours later and he was playing basketball and wanted me to come and play with and a bunch of other peoples i was like yeah ill try ( i wasnt even going to ask he's like 30 minutes away and it was 9 hell no, i think he forget's that im still in school and me and my parent's hate each other lol) o btw hes 21, defently no an issue with me but this shit is exactly why i dont tell my parents when im talking to a guy i dont think my parent have ever ment one of my b/f's lol theyll meet one of mine when and if i get serious enough with someone to get engaged to them! lol but yeah i think im going to stop by his house friday with peg before or after i get the dress's! hehe and then i probl. wont see him for a while cause the followoing weekend is the wedding and then ill be grounded for three week's for my biology grade! grrr... then i dont know after that!!
on a more serious note, next tuesday or the following tuesday after that one, im going to the doctor for a test, what type? you dont need to know! all you need tto know is im really scared! not for me cause i could care less about myself, but my sis is going too and i dont know what ill do if somthing happen's (knock on wood) to her and it possibly could be my fault i will hate myself! i dont know what ill do! i just got to keep telling my self it will be fine!! ttly!
Monday, September 13, 2004
i was fucked up this whole weekend, i had fun but i was soo gone! and i know this is going to be long so dont read it if you dont give a shit l.o.l im personally just writting cause im babysitting and bored as hell!
Friday- dylan picked me up with peggy, (dylon is a friend of jose and jose is ashley's boyfriend and ashley is peggy's sister which leads to me being peggys best friend, dylon and peggy are kinda hookin up) we went over to jose's house, he was having a get together type thing there, it was ok! i almost kicked jose's ass at pool but i dint call the 8 ball so i lost! some guy daniel was there not to intresting, we went to sub-way, i wasnt hungry as usuall, came back started drinking, there was nothing to do, so i called jessica she was already fuckin high as hell, then i called logon, who was at work, then turned his phone off so he dint have to talk to me! bastard! lol j/k you know i luv ya! then right after i got off the phone some crazy ass guy, named brady and chris came over, i heard alot of shit about the crazy stuff brady does, but hes cool! i was kinda quite the whole night we watched some comedy shit that i wasnt too inrested in, went down stair's talked a bit, then brady and chris and dylon came down and dylon was fuckin drunk at this time and brady and dylon start fighting, dylon slammed brady down right next to the this fuckin glass coffee table , brady knocked the shit out of him and he as all bleading and he went to the bathroom and then came back out and all went back at brady and they knoked down the speaker, brady got him in the arm lock and asked him if he was gonna give up and calm down he kept flickin him off and trying to get brady on the ground, it was so horrible, it ended when they fail and chris had to jump and grab them and ended up on the bottom so they wouldnt break the glass coffee table! it was so horrible! i cant stand watching fight's, i seriously wanted to cry, (they had fun picking on me for getting so upset about it) lol but yeah brady got over it in like 10 seconds cause theyve known each other to long to get upset about it they left and, dylon and peggy got in a fight i went out side and then ashley and jose came out and talked to me! then we left at 2:00 and went to bed!
saturday- was a bit more intresting i woke up 6 in the morning, lisa (peggy's mom) made me breakfast woke peggy up to go get some stuff for breakfast from the store, took like an hour figuring out what we were wearing, went to my brother and soon to be sister-in-laws house(chris and donna) and talked to them for a while, they wanted us to go out with them to katy to a party but we dint want to drive that far, went back home all of rocky's friends were there smoking, (rocky is peggy's bro.) so me and peggy got high, and i got so fucked up, but i warned her i get so stupid...while i was in lala land we went to steven's (peg's other brother) pool party they rented the rec. it was fun but we left there to go get some energy pill's and go out with dylon and brady, went to there apartment, swim for a while started to talk to brady he said i was to quite but yeah i think it was cause i was getting off my high but yeah they were being stupid jumping off the waterfall playing slip in slide on the grass, then we played the thing were you try to knock the other person of the guys shoulder ofcourse brady was my partner and me and peggy coulnt knock one another off so i gave up, we went to the hot tub and then me and brady started talking a bit more then these hot guys came over but i dint like them there those conceded mother fuckers and they started talking to us and brady was like those mother fuckers need to leave, and was saying it right in front of them so i told him lets go back to the pool so he wont get in a fight we went back and talked about alot of shit, i really felt comftorable talking to him and we talked about are realationship's in the past and i told him that i just wont let my self trust guys and he told me hes cheated once, i told him how i wont break up with a guy for kissing or making out with a girl, i will he has sex with her though, he said i should even if he just kissed her, said i deserved better then that! hes going to the navy :(and that's why hes not with anyone cause no one wants to be with someone that's leaving and he said he woulnt mind being with someone he could trust, i should have said you can trust me! lol j/k it was such a suprise cause he's like one of those bad ass guys so when i was talking to him i wasnt expecting to hear what i was hearing! hes like got this hard ass image outside and when it comes to girl's he's so soft lol .....peggy dosent want me to get involved with him though she says hes a cool friend but a huge player, and if i start having feeling for him i got to stop talking to him! shes afraid im gonna get hurt! i dont think hes that bad! but im still wondering if i should stop thinking about it find someone else that dosent have a record of cheating! the probl. is i never can find anyone that i feel this way abou and it be a normall relationship! and there's only been 2 other guys that i get this feeling about! i dont know!?!?!?!
Friday, September 10, 2004
All the things i do to try to forget you, all the things i shoulnt, hoping to feel the way i do about you, wishing to move on and get past this obssession! they never help, they never mean anything, just another thing to add to the list of wrongs! only you have this unwilling power over me to make me do whatever you please! ive never ment anyone like you, your somthing wonderfull, i cant explain it! after weeks of not seeing you, and me knowing you dont care, we run into one another and you always seem to say just the right things to make me fall to my knees in wonder! i love you but i wont show it, im your bitch, but you dont know it! im sarcastic and i pretend i dont care, to hide all the feeling's i feel for you! i dont think you would ever hurt me on purpose, but i know the possibility's there thats why i never let you know exactly how i feel, cause i know all the tears i would cry if i had you and you let me go, but i want to spill everything to you, just to know the truth, and if you really loved me and then you let me go, as much pain as i would be in, i would rather that you'd had hold me in your arms one time rather then none! but i still were the mask that hides these true feeling's, but the mask is getting old and its starting to tear, things are stating to slip i try to cover them up, but im araid youll see through it! im weakining and i hope you dont know it! i wish this feeling would be done with and i wish you would come for me, and love me! i just want you to care! wont you please, fullfill my dreams and come back to me, hold me under the stars and whisper sweet little things, give me this one chance to prove my love to you!
behind the mask that everyone wears there's always more to there story, there's more tell then you could imagine!
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Current song planying: "I Miss You" by: blink 182
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call youand hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you)
[x4]
[Thanks to joes_mcnugget@yahoo.com, nodoubt_blink182_rocks@hotmail.com for correcting these lyrics][ http://www.azlyrics.com/ ]
Im sitting in my brother's house, which is were i go everyday now, bored out of my mind with a migrane headache and half way about to pass out! how was my day? wonderfull i got up to early (4:35) took a shower, did my hair, deicided to wear a very cute outfit that in turn would kill my feet (3-4 inch heels, 3-4 inch? why? why you ask, hmm... well the answer is very simple, im and idiot!) was late to cy-ridge, forgot my project for ASL (american sign lanuage), and when i say forgot i mean forgot to do it, the best part of my day, going to the carlton center (for you people whom dont know what the carlton center is, its a school for the special need's kids, i go there and volentar, and i feed them and play with them, the stuff we do depends on how intellectual the grp we have that day are) went to algerbra 2 still have no idea what there doing in there i just doodle and pretend like im listening, ill end up staying after next week to figure it all out! i was doing so good in that class and then just one day i decide to talk and miss out on all the new stuff, jeez! im doing better in dance im actually having to teach my dance grp some of the steps, still missin my peeps in the p.e. class and jack (the bio chick) is still pissed cause i got in to dance instead of staying with her, plus were still arguing over whos going to marry angelino jolie (me yeah she's my wife to be!) j/k, and now im at my bro's, my sister's b/f suppose to drop by and visit me but he should have already came by now, hes soo sweet and he's a cutie (i havent found one flaw in him yet) i wish he had a brother or somthing lol, and he can really dance, do you know how many guys can actually dance, very few!! im so jealous! lol well im off to see the wizard! luv ya
Friday, September 03, 2004
hmm... so my dad is pissing me off so bad! we really dont get along, and the other day before jessica came to pick me up, we got in our usuall argument's andwhen i was getting in the car juan was like "are you going to tell us what's wrong?" i asume he could tell i was a bit pissed off, i just told him "nothing's wrong" and ofcourse juan and jessica cheered me up a bit, im happy as long as im not home! but yeah im planning on moving out this coming summer and getting an apartment with jess and peggy! juan wants me to go try out at the place he models with him, and since my parents are bitches and dont want me to model while im in there house cause "its a false dream crystal, the chances of you going any were with modeling is slim, why dont you go to college and do somthing with your life" and when i told them i wanted to join the marines it was worse" you want to joing the marines and you cant even do that, come on crystal you say you can make it in the marines prove it to me, do the impossible?" "why would you want to go commit suicide? anyone that wants to go fight for there country is a dumb ass there just going to get killed" he pushed me so hard one time i started crying, and he told me that "you cant cry in the marines!" and hes absolutley right! grrrr....... anways so i think im going to tryout for modeling when i move out next summer June 3rd 2005, i just dont know when im going to tell my parents about it i dont want to tell them at the last minute cause my bro. moved out when he turned 18 with no warning and my dad still holds that against him but i dont want to tell them too soon cause then my dad will make my life a living hell!!
happy thoughts, happy thoughts! oh i finally decided, after a few dumb mistakes, that i do want a serious relationship, and as corny as it may sound i really want to find someone i can love, and im really trying to stop with how ive been acting about relationships and look past my sterotype that all men want is sex even though i still believe that, i guess im just tired of finding these awsome guys and ditching them cause im dont want to get attached, and i am talking to a certian someone right now, and hes defently not my type, he's a football player, but he just seems so different from all the typical jock's, i already know he wants sex cause when i first ment him he told one of our friends hes wants to get in my pants, but i dont know maybey if we continue to talk he'll see more then just a peice of ass! (im not being negative i just really deep down know we wont work out but ill give it a try anyway) and im not happy with my grades right now but that's why im trying to do better, and trying not to be my lazy self and just say fuck it! were finally actually dancing instead of just fucking around in dance class, the majority of the chicks are still bitches ill probl. end up getting into it with one of them before the end of the year, but i did meat a girl from germany or russia one of those places and she's going to homecoming with me and my grp, i told her i'd get her a date, another project for me, shoulnt be to hard cause she's a cutie but still!! and plus i have to find myself a date but ive got time!
well i need to go clean up a lil bit, so i can go out with peggy and her sis tonite, asheley (her sis) wants to hook me up with one of her friends there like 20 and shit, i just want to go and get drunk and have some fun, like i said im not trying to be a lil pimpette anymore i just want one guy in my life! tommorow im going out with jessica and peggy, maybey to andrews or somthing! hope everyone is having a great weekend! luv ya! sorry its so long!
-crystal-
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