Saturday, July 31, 2004
well i was looking at blogs the other day and while i was reading about this girls struggle to make the perfect costume for the masquerade she put a link for the http://www.labyrinthmasquerade.com/ she went to which i would love to go to! i love stuff like that, its so amazing how realistic people get with there costume's, I dont know if they have any in houston but i need to check it out! all i can think of right at the moment thats anything of the sort is mardi gra's (which i havent missed in 3 years), and festivals! but hopefully ill find an actually masquerade like the labyrinth! check it out!
Friday, July 30, 2004
wow...summer is such a short lived period of time, monday i go to get my books and junk! and i need to call windfern and find out what schedule i could have!
im pretty much sick of school, which if you would have asked me a year ago, i would have thought i could never get tired of it but here i em a year later sick and tired of the drama that use to consist of me! the stupid clicks, the imature boyfriend and girlfreind promblems! "oh crystal i cant believe he cheated on me im so stupid to think i was in love" "no shit you were stupid! did you really think you would make love and then he would want to marry you and yall would live happy ever after!?! yeah well life just dosent happen that way" and the classic "omg i really like him but how do i tell him/her? does he/she like me? is he/she to good for me?" "damn is it really that comlicated just go fuckin ask? stop obbsessing" you stupid people should all do me a favor next time you have a crush, next time you think your i love (the 50th time this year) next time they brake your heart, next time they cheat, dont tell me, dont come running to me for advice! yeah come to me when your dad hits you, or when you get raped, you start getting obsessed with drugs, you start drinking every night, when you think your pregnant, or when you end up in the hospital, call for my help and sympathy then and only then! haha the funy thing is i have such this strong feeling, but i could never acutally tell my friends this! its just a feeling granted it is stupid shit and i dont really care i need to be there for my freinds! hey like they say what is done now will come back to repay you! now if its a good or bad pay back that up to us!
suppose to go to astroworld agian today but decided to go tommorow instead, my sister-in-law said we should just start living there we go so much! well that about all for today! i cleaned the house swept the front walk way cleaned the door swept the front hall and got no reconition as usuall! it sucks but nothin seems to change in this house!
Thursday, July 29, 2004
woke up this morning not quite sure what to do today, i think im gonna go excersise and maybey go tan, i have a great tan right now but i have a permanent bathing suit on! lol so i need to tan nude! i keep procastinating but there wont be to many more oppurtunities to just lay out in the sun after school starts!
ofcourse my sister told amanda (sis in law) everything that happend tuesday, which i dont really care anymore! my sister-in-law just asked question's, one question i just kinda been thinking about is her question "what would other people think about the way you dont give a shit about anything and your willing to just give your body to someone with out even really loving them" "are you gonna care if people start to find out and they start to talk?" (not in those exact words) and yeah i guess i kinda do care what everybody thinks but in another way it dosent matter anymore. ive been known as a slut since middle school, expecially in 9th grade and i hadnt even done anything sexual back then, hell even my brothers and bro's girl friends had bets on when i was going to first fuck someone, haha i still think thats funny! but if people would actually get to know me and see that im anything of the sort and my friends yeah they might be sluts, flirts, etc...but does it really make them a bad person cause they enjoy having sex or getting attention? they would relize there great people! but i assume its easier for people to imagine that everybodys who does it or hang's out with the people who do there automatically sluts, its easier to explain that "shes a slut" then to have all the questions of "why would she be hanging out with them if she wasnt" or "why would she do that?" ect... im not going to go run around and tell everybody my buisness, and my sex life, there's certian things that should just be kept to yourself but if im out having fun and someone see's, i guess i just woulnt give a shit, they would have there precious proof that im what everyone wants to believe! like my sister-n-law said if im comftorable with what i do, then who cares what anyone else thinks! everyones entitled to there own opinion! maybey im just trying to justify my actions! but if anyone would like to comment on my thoughts! i would love to hear you opinion!
Current song playing: something corporate-space
LYRICS:
Home, is this the quiet place where you should be alone?
Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own?
I don't know, but I can tell this isn't you, your cover's blown
Oh no, don't you dare hang up this phone
Hey, give me space so I can breathe
Give me space so I can sleep
Give me space so you can drown in this with me
In this place
The lonely escapade in outer space
There's no antidote for irony you say
that you have, when you know that you don't
and you say, that you can, when you know that you won't
Hey, give me space so I can breathe
Give me space so I can sleep
Give me space so you can drown in this with me
Hey, give me space but I can't breathe
Give me space but I can't sleep
Give me just one inch I swear that's all I'll need
These padded walls and TV screens
Sometimes they make me want to scream
Hey, give me space so I can breathe
Give me space so I can sleep
Give me space so you can drown in this with me
Hey, give me space but I can't breathe
Give me space but I can't sleep
Give me just one inch I swear that's all I'll need
Lyrics copied from azlyrics.com!
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Yestarday wasnt anything that i expected it to be, i think i came into the day expecting it to be bad! from what i hear from my sister this guy is a complete judgemental prick! and he has a girl friend but there not doing to well! whatever im the one that planed this whole thing and now it seemed like i was just tagging along! my negative out look! when they showed up at our house i guess i had this image in my head, and he wasnt anything like the image! he was wearing yellow and orange, hawian looking, aborcrombie & Fitch shorts and a white tank, showin off his muscle and of course his tan, basically in the car he made a little conversation but not to much, was being a complete smart ass, which i dint care cause im a smart ass too! we road a few rides but james (the guy) wanted to go to waterworld first then go on the ride when it closed! and he kept staying back and walking slow and we got to the water park and he went off to a body slide we were waiting for him but we thought we would be able to see him we finally got out to find him waited around for a bit decided to go to the lazy river, ment up with joe and his girl, and stayed in there for what seemed like 30 minutes, i was hating it i was the fuckin 5th wheel james showed up but left cause he dint want to stay in the lazy river, he came up bragging about the chicks that were checkin him out and shit he said he was use to it so yeah defently conceded and we already figured he could be an ass so i was just thinking great! so i decided while joe and my sis and them went on the body slide i was going to tan mayby try to find some body there, but good thing james finally showed up layed down started talking kinda seemed pissed he explained he hate that wes always brings him along with his girl friend and he hates feeling like hes intruding, then he asked if i had a b/f or if i was talking to anyone, the answer no ofcourse i asked him if he was he said no ( i knew it was a lie but i figured hey if he dosent claim her he must not care about her that much) he said he was trying to talk to me earlier but i was keepin up with my sis and him walking slower was my clue to slow down and talk to him, hell i dint know! we decided we could get our alone time now, we got soe tubes layed in the lazy river talked, things were getting more intament then we were waiting in line for the boogie board ride thing, we were all over each other he had me up agianst this post, wow he knows how to touch all the right spots! but anyways basically were all over each other in the lines and he was great to talk to ofcourse we would be a complete smart ass to one another, it was great he told me so much shit, we both shared way to much information for only knowing each other for like 2 hours! but it was cool, we waited around for my sis and wes for a while, he told me about the chicks he had sex with and other specific stuff, asked how many people i had sex with, told him none, he asked if i was waiting for mr. right! i laughed and explained to him i dont give a shit who i lose it to, but im not in a rush either it will happen when it happens! he thought that was crazy, but he wanted to go fuck then, but the big promblem he dint have a condom! we decided to go to the kiddie area! haha it was soo cute he acts like this complete asswhole but there was this kid that kept following him around and we went down this net thing and the boy almost fell so he went back up and carried him down it was so cute, i was thinking wow he actually can be nice and the funny thing is except for his looks he was everything i expected and dispise but still it was just the way he made me feel! (shit im gettin corny ill shut up now) so he wanted to go on the kiddy slide we went and i relized he got a whole in the back of his pants so small but still, he was soo pissed, it was kinda funny, then we went to this thing you have to cross the water with out fallin untell you get to the end, shit i knew i coulnt do it so i told him id watch! he made it all the way across, told him he was a fuckin show off, he said he trys! i went and got my sisters money and got somthing to drink we shared, tanned talked etc... my sis came and left again we went to the wave pool, he was all up on me i seriously wanted to fuck him, he put my legs around him, i dont need to get into much detail, it was just very sexuall, he was gettin too worked up i had to let him go cool down! haha it was so sexy he just kept hold on to my waist holding on to me and staring at me with those eyes! kept telling me to stop doing certian things cause it was making him horny! haha it was just fun we started going to the roller coasters around 6, he told me no flirting in front of my sis and wes cause he dint want them to know, he dint want all the question's like "did you fuck her?" he said "im a pimp, what i do is my buisness" i laughed but i told him they dint care my sis has tryed to hook up with guys who just wanted to fuck before she dosent care! but whatever he kept going behind there back and grabbing me and shit my sis and wes caught him a few times so i played the hard to get shit cause he was makin such a big deal about not wanting them to no so i told him "he coulnt touch, they might see" hes all like "come on baby!" i told him "but they might see then what would we do, this is my space make sure you dont enter it" he gave me that look and said fine but about 2 minutes later he was all over me again! if they went to the front of the ride we went to the back etc... we just kept fuckin around everytime we had a chance, finally wes and him talked and told him he dosent give a shit so we dint have to hide as much but still kinda weird with your sis and his best friend watching lol it was a blast we road the sky ride twice once with my sis and wes to get to the entrance to leave but we went the wrong way and ended up in the middle again and wes said get the cell phones they will go one way we will go the other, so me and him decided to ride the ski thing and get ahead, we were defently not paying attention to the view! he wa aggresive but it would have been better if he would have been just a tad bit more aggressive! but i had my fun so im happy! we got lost trying to find hooters but eventually got there, hooters is not just for the girls the food is great too! haha! and that was about it almost fell asleep in his lap on the way home but woulnt let myself he told me if i wanted to do" somthing" tommorow call him he's leaving thursday morning, and i might have called him if i hadnt found out that the reason he woulnt go any farther then what he was is becuase his girlfriend i wasnt upset about it at all i just wish he would have told me and if he cares that much about his girlfirend i dont want to get in the way of there relationship! im glad hes leaving and i probl. wont see him again cause i know how easy i could fall for him and its hard for me to fall for anbody so thats saying alot!
which is really odd being hes everything i dispise, the 18 year old that's going to college and mommy still buys everything for him, he shops at abercrombie & fitch and his mom just bought him a new truck! hes everything that im not and some how he got my attention, but im not saying if he ever comes back in town we cant have a fling im completly open to that idea! haha!
well im gonna go finish re arranging my room! ill write more when i got somthing else intresting to talk about! laterz
-crystal-
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
my plan, my idea, mine! We were suppose to go to astroworld today with greg and jerry and maybey peggy and her friend, my idea! but peggy never picked up her phone so she probl. wont come, but today i wake up a little early and find out that wes her boyfriend who is quite frankly the most annoying guy ever and hes bringing some critiqle know it all asswhole, this is just what i hear from my sister, she dosent even want to meet him but she will for wes, grrrr..., i kinda think wes is going to push him on me and do like a double date thing, and ill be pretty pissed if he does that! if this guy is what my sister makes him out to be! and if hes a complete ass, ill either a) punch him in the face and walk away and enjoy the rides alone! or b) ill play with his head let him think he has me wrapped around his finger etc...., but thats only if hes the asswhole im expecting him to be, im so tired of stupid asswhole wanna be pimps that think that there god! pleassseee give me a brake! anyways im not even really wanting to go much right now so maybey ill go tommorow with just me and peggy! we'll just see how things go!
luz ya
-crystal-
Monday, July 26, 2004
well hmm...not that much of a productive weekend,
friday: went to my sister-in-laws nearly all day to give amanda a break from the kids (which inluded her brother, a 13 year old brat, named david, aaah hes not all that bad hes just can get annoying at moments) i thought it felt good outside so i asked david if he wanted to go play with ava in the backyard i watched them as i talked on the phone with peggy, and david decided to take the lid off this like pool kiddy thing shaped like a boat, and got in it and ofcourse ava followed him right in, i told him not to he did anyways then i told him not to let her sit down in it cause she was in her dyper, but ofcourse he let her sit down so i finally got off the phone went inside got towels and her proper clothers for getting wet and david decided to go get the water hose and spray me, in which i dint want to get wet at all, but after i did i was kinda glad after wards i played with ava tryed to dunk david in the kiddie pool, and when i coulnt i had serious thoughts of just dumping him in the pond but a) amanda would kill me but laugh at the same time b)hes pretty strong so he would probl. pull me in to and then i would have only myself to blame! but over all it was fun i havent just went out and gotten wet then relaxed in the sun waiting to dry but having the nice cool feeling from being wet in a long time! then after going to my house changing and coming back changing ava and putting her to bed we played videp games, racing games ofcourse (my favorite) then me my bro, and david all played and then wrestled with david pinned him 3 times, always a good thing about having brothers and male famlily members, A) you always have somebody who has your back if you ever needed it! B) from all the wrestling with them, and chris teaching me how to fight, i have muscle and im pretty strong not as strong as either of my brothers or sisters but as for how weak i look, it still amazes me that when i go shopping with my dad and we go harbor freight a tool shop, if i pick up anything pretty heavy, either the men all stare in wonder, or they feel like they have to help and repeatdly as if you need help or you can put that right here or do you need help caring that to the car! i always have to hold my laughter back at the fools! anyways to get back on topic, then i called an old friend dint talk long, then watched a movie..that was basically it...
saturday:slept in, cleaned a little, then went swimming, wanted to tan but dint have a chance, i thnk next summer im gonna be a lifeguard for a summer job, watched some t.v. fiddled with my blog templates, then read a bit and fell asleep..
sunday: changed the simple project of cleaning a little bitin my closet turned into a big project of cleaning and reorganizing my entire room, and getting rid of a lot of old stuff that i have no use fr anymore and i had no intention of going through my clothes but turns out im going to be doing that tommorow as well...planned on just taking a break but ended up messing with my templates again and ended up finishing them then just kinda looked at toher people's blogs and now here i am writting in here and i know i wont clean anymore tonight....so my brake wil just have to be extended from now tell i fall asleep and from then to when i wake! besides all the set backs of cleaning my room i finished my blog decorations lol
But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt "Do you like to hurt?" "I do! I do!""Then hurt me."
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I decided to write the pevious post cause i was thinking of mistakes that ive made, the reasons, etc... and wanted to get them out without going into to much detail, for some odd reason i feel a little better getting these feelings that have been collecting dust out of me! for some very weird reason everytime i write in here, with somthing important to me i feel better some how! (i know im weird, lets not remind me lol) well anyways i got it out by writing some horrible poem that just popped in my head, its defintley not beautifull or anything but i know im not a poet or anything so i dont really care if its not good!
well we went to johnny carinos today (one of my favorite resturants) for my moms Birthday its tommorow but we decided to go out to eat today! i ordered the low fat lemon rosemary chicken!! its was good, like everything ive tried there! but the low fat part was ruined because of the desert, it was good but i really need to stop eating so much junk food, not that im saying im fat, which everyone assumes im implying when i say that, but its not cause i think im fat its simply because im unhealty, and i want to get in a habit of eating healthy and excercising! its as simple as that! it really irriatates me that my family forces me to eat food that i dont want to, they know im trying to get into a healthy habit but i guess they just assume im just trying to lose wait! grr... there so stubborn! hmm... well me and my sister are planning on going to astroworld tuesday....not sure if we will but we want to go 2 in 2, she asked "who are you going to bring?" my reply "good question" lol its not the promblem of who i can bring, i can think of alot of people to go with, but the question is who would i have fun with?! so i asked my sister if she had any friends she wanted to bring so she mentioned jerry...to update you, jerry is a guy that i ment twice once last year we stopped by his house for like 10 minutes to say hi to my sisters best friend (greg) also known as my unrelated brother, and the second time was i think last week we went over to gregs house and my sister basically dropped my off with greg, jerry and justin (justin was 1 of my ex crushes/and i was one of his, and we might be together at this moment if either of us had known we liked each other at the same time) my sis went with dontae's to his house for whatever reason and me and jerry kept me occupied by making conversation with me and he kept staring at me (a bit odd but whatever) and we just kept laughin and ofcourse he kept saying shit to impress me (guys just to let you know its annoying, dont try to impress, just be yourself seriously!!) and doin all that flirty shit but it was cute! but yeah i dont know i dont really want it to be a first date thing... were its like the flirting and the whole get to know you conversation, but i might take my sister up on that idea, might be good for me, kinda get me moving past my previous dilema with endrew..whom if youd read this blog from the beggining you would have read about but ive deleted his post since then, i think i might give it a try, i guess ill just see what happen's!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
shes at the bottom again
she wants out but
she cant get a grip of anything,
the ladders wet
she keeps sliping everytime she gets near the top,
she wants to give up but theres so many things around her reminding her that she cant,
and all she wants is someone to hold her in her time of need,
a friend,
she wants him to make her happy!
but no ones around,
they dont care,
shes fallen again shes at the bottom waiting for a hand to help her of the ground,
theres a man hes staring with those hungry eyes,
she knows hes staring
she wonders if hes there to help,
he confronts her and he's so sweet,
shes had people like him come before,
not to help, just for there own sexual needs,
shes unsure if she should grab his hand,
shes afriad hes just looking for sex,
she grabs his hand!
hes so sweet
shes afraid hes just another man in need
she has so much hate she has so much pain
he can only make things worse,
there already half way to the top
shes so scared that he will just cause her pain,
shes afraid she will fall from the top,
so she lets go,
shed rather stay down then go through the pain,
she wonders if he could have rescued her
but its to late
she wont go back to him
shes left to wonder on her own
what could have been, should it have been?
she crys
she knows she can never climb those stairs alone
but she dosent want to fall!
shes so weak, shes so weak,
she wont even try to be happy,
she wont take a chance on falling...shes too weak!!!!
p.s. if anyone actually reads this stuff tell me what you think!
Monday, July 19, 2004
i know i havent written in a while, i havent really had much to write about...just the same shit, the same promblems repeating every week, no solution just arguments and lies from the same people that tell me they love me each night, im just so tired of being here! But i know i should be happy cause when i go back to school im going to have to deal with all the shitty drama, so as for now im just dealing with family dilemas but i just know school is coming right around the corner and its going to suck, im so tired of the peity shit in highschool im so ready to graduate and move on....hopefully ill work as a stuordist and travel, i love traveling and it be a great job for me untell i decide what i want to officaily do, i dont know just a idea that popped in my head one day! im really just in the need to get away from every one im surrounned by, my friends my family they just dont help, as much as i love texas its not the place i need to be right now!
on a brighter side ive been visiting my new born nephew latley, and the saying is the closer you are to a kid at birth the closer theyll be when they grow up, so hopefully ill be the cool aunt, i hope i can be a cool aunt to all my neaces and nephews but 2 of them are step nephew and neace and all though i love them just as much as i love my blood related nephew and neace, there older so its not like they grew with me and there very spoiled and the 4 year old acts like she know it all but the way i look at it kids are gonna act like that, so we will just have to see how things turn out! oh and method (my new born nephew fell asleep in my arms sunday) I WANT ONE I WANT ONE! but i know i cant handle one right now expecially and not even when i turn 18, plus my brother (chris, the mr. protective brother) would kill me if i had a child, he keeps telling me when im holding baby method "your to yound crystal your to young" i swear im gonna slap him one of these days lol ill just babysit my neaces and nephews there enough of a handfull as it is lol!
Thursday, July 15, 2004
what happens when the one person in the world that you love, you cant be with, what do you do? do you move on and just assume it wasnt ment to be, while you wonder what it would be like if you would have persude somthing? what do you do? if you cant take a chance cause your afraid of the pain and you know the one you love is just another heart breaker do you take the chance and love him while it last and cry for days when it ends, what if you cant stand the pain, what if you cant take the chance, but you know if he ever came up to you and pushed you to the ground and started making love to you, you would let him? how do you resist or how do you try to persue somthing, what if your stuck in the middle were it seems like youve been for years? do you finally make a choice and stick with it even if it could be the worst choice you ever made? how do you know what to do when everything seems to be falling down if front of you and you just want to cry? what do i do im lost and i dont know which way im suppose to turn? how em i suppose to figure this out alone?
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
wow!! the birth of a baby, how can one ever explain the experiece!?! all i can really say is its amazing! everyday theres someone who dies and they cover the news with depressing storys, and although ill admitt there is so many horrible things in the world, but they never have a story about an amazing survival of a baby that they dint have a chance of living, who has! you dont see people going to interview the mothers who just had there first child or hear about the survival story of someone who just went through a amazing surgery...its almost like the world wants us to be depressed! ofcourse the mother goes through pain but to only the extient of having a beatifull baby! my advice to anyone who has a promblem with gory things and has the oppurtunity to see the birth of a child, is just to not think about it, cause when that child comes out you wont want to miss it just cause you think your going to get to qeezy! babys are the one thing that are most pure and truthfull in the world and to see him take his first breath and hear him scream is so beautifull! well im goign to stop rambling on about babys! im publishing some pictures of the baby in my picture journal so check it out!
-crystal-
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
convo. b/w me and someone that a freind tryed to hook me up with,its kinda sad and funny! i really just dont have the heart to tell him off!
someone: i took my asvab monday
someone: u know the test to get into the military
someone: i barely passed with a 43
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: o your going 2 join the military?
someone: yep
someone: did i tell you?
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: nope
someone: i dont have a gf to worry about so ima go ahead and go
someone: bcuz one of my ex's didnt want me goin
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: well thats cool..what branch?
someone: branch =air forice national guard
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: o thats cool
someone: the farthest ill probably go is san antonio
someone: but ill get alot of money and they ll pay for my school
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: yep ive been thinking about what im going to do when i get out of highshool and kinda thinking about joining marines
someone: oh no dont do marines
someone: ive talked to alot of army and marines ppl and trust me its hard
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol i know
someone: if i were you id go with the air force its half the training and if you go into national guard like me you wont get shipped off to war
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: i woulnt really care if i went off to war or not and i know marines is hard, but i think i could handle it
someone: are you sure??
someone: not even i dont think i could handle it
someone: but seriously u could die since were in war right now its pretty dangerouus from what i hear
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol ive got about 2 more years to think about it and i know all the risk and shit and i dont really care i dont really have
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: anything else to do here soo yah lol
someone: yea i feel the same
someone: i dont have a car,my job sux ass,i dont stay with my parents ,i dont really have a place to stay,nor do i have a gf to slow me down its perfect time to go
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: i might look weak but when it comes down to it my dad taught me how to kick ass, never under estimate
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: yeah...exactly and i dont think in 2 years anything will have changed but you never know
someone: yea well for me those 2 years have passed
someone: 2 years ago i had a gf and now i dont
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol you miss her dont you?
someone: nah not really
someone: lol
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: i miss havin a gf thats about it
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: i c
someone: i feel pretty worthless without one
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: well maybey youll meet some cute nurse in the air force
someone: most of high school i had a gf and now i dont so its a lil different now
someone: yea
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: i c
someone: and the "friends with benefits "thing aint workin out for me either
someone: it doesnt work when all she talks about is her boyfriend and how she wants to marry him :-(
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol im totally opposite i absolutley hate relationships, i just dont feel like wasting my highschool life on something that wont last and the whole true love shit i think is a load of crap so yah for me friends with benifits is wonderfull lol
someone: lol its wonderful at the time but id rather be iwth someone i can keep
someone: the sex thing doesnt even matter to me know more
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol well your one of the very few men
someone: very few men??
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: the very few men that sex isnt the main aspect of there life lol
someone: yea its a pretty big aspect
someone: but its like second on my list
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: i still hold a relationship higher
someone: but a no sex relationship is like a moving car without the driver to me
someone: or something liek that
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: well thats good that you want a releationship, i decided to take a break from it and ive been free for about 2 years and still happy i had one slight relationship during that time and with a totall asswhole...it ment nothing to me and ment more to him so dint work out
someone: lol
someone: so u actually believe in friends with benefits?
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: yeah i think theres absolutley nothing wrong with it!
someone: oh thats pretty cool thats kinda rare for chix too
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: um but the wierd thing is right now at this time i actually dont want a relationship
someone: until like the end of this year or next year cuz ill probably be lieavin anyways so it wouldnt work out
someone: so the friends with benefits thing is like right up my alley at this point
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: yeah thats defently a good reason not to get involved with some one
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: its nice to experiment if ya know what i mean
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol yeah
someone: so that once you end up in a relationship you know what its like and ur more smarter /experianced
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: yeah
someone: but hey this may sound wierd but if ur interested in bein friends w/ benefits let me know lol
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol k
someone: dont mind me im just some bored kid that wants to talk thats all
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: ugh i dont wanna spend tonight alone but whatever
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: aah..im sorry
someone: its not ur fault
someone: i just need someone to sleep with
someone: :-(
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: lol
someone: well sex or no sex i dont care
someone: lol
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: and why not?
someone: why not what?
LiLbRuNeTtE1107: dont you care
someone: bcuz
someone: why should i care?
someone: i mean id put out if that person wanted me to but i dont care if they dont want me!
his aim name has been changed for his benifit! lol
Saturday, July 10, 2004
hey people's,
so last nite i went to amandas(sis-n-law) and rons (bro) house we watched some movies, south park movie and some other one i can think of the name of it! but anyways, i came back at like 12 ish and i coulnt get to sleep i was up untell 3:40 then my mom woke me up at 5:30 before she went to work this morning telling me i needed to clean up, i was so tired, so i was telling her to leave me and i dont even know what all i said i think i said shut up, but she left and said "thats a great way to start off my morning crystal, thanks alot" and walked out and slammed the door, but im sorry its like 5:30 but whatever! i might go to chris's(bro) house and babysit while they go out, it will be fun but if i dont go to ther house ill probl. go to rons and amandas again lol, well i just checked my emial and got another emial from robert (one of my close friends) and hes still in london, he says its going to be his home one day, i never had any intention of wanting to go to london untell robert started talking about it he sent me a picture of his hotel and its wonderfull! i dont know, i think i would enjoy it, hes going to a bunch of museums today, and i cant help but want to be there right now walking the streets, going to museums, while drinking a cappacino, i think i want to go there alone one day, i would enjoy the museums and the sites! oh and andrew isnt in jail hes under house arrest so probl. not this week but the next were going to go and visit him, and we know he will be home now so i think its good! he just needs to get away from that area of town its full of serious drug people! but im going to stop babaling, ill probl. have somthing to write tonight or tommmow!
crystal
Thursday, July 08, 2004
oh hehe....one more thing amanda is having the baby enduced wendsday!there naming him after our grandpa, method is going to be the name, hes going to get picked on for that, but owell! im so excited i love kids sooo much!! and the funny thing is i want kids but i dont want to get married, im just crazy like that! i think i might adopt a few (maybey 2) i would adopt them all (4) but my dad wants some kids to pass on the blood and as much as i dislike my father... some how i want to full fill one of his wishes, its the least i can do right? lol!
0-crystal-0
hey all!
Today i left about 4 with jessica we planned to go to andrews house(her best friend) when we got there the house was comletley turn up, and when we looked inside there wasnt anything inside and there was doors turn off and stuff...soo we called the information thing and asked for andrews moms number and andrews younger brother picked up and told us were they lived we went there..talked to the mom for like 2 hours...found out that sandy (the mom) kicked andrew out of the house cause her x-husband, there father, was paying them to fuck with her shit, they stole her truck totally trashed it and all this shit she had them arrested and henry (andres bro.) and andrew are taking there fathers side (cause he lets them do whatever he wants) and made sandy move out of her house and so andrew and henry are living with there father, the younger brother is living with sandy, and alot of shit went down andrews has a warrent out for there arrest...so much shit has gone on...hes getting into so many drugs and he dosent need to be living with his dad who does drugs with him... hes getting so bad he wont even get a job cause hed rather smoke pot all day! its so sad but anyways we went to were the father lived and andrew wasnt even there he went some were and wont be back probl. past midnight, its so sad and sandy was telling us how henrys and andrews have become so obsessed with drugs there not eating there extremly skinny...i seriously wanted to cry with all the stuff she was telling us...there going to end up to be just like timmy and travis my cousins and both of them are in jail all the time for everything, drugs, you name it they probl. have done it... and its soo sad cause so many people have tryed to help them chris got timmy a job and ron let him stay with him, and he was doing great at his job and everything then he started hanging out with his old friends again and it all ended he got just enough money to get him fucked up then got fired! andrew only 16 so i hope he wakes up before he gets so bad hes in jail all the time...hes probl. going to to be in jail for two weeks cause hes on probation for the last stupid shit he did sooo me and jessica are talking about going to visit him tommorow or the next day! i just hope that the time hes in juvi he will wake up! why cant he just be like everyone else and just do it occasionally there nothing wrong with that but to do just to get away from your problems..evernight and getting into the serious shit and messing with the serious people hes going to wound up dead!aaahh im going to stop thinking about cause im going to end up crying i just hate seeing people that bad! i guess we will just see what happens when we go visit him... im gonna say im spendin the night at jessicas house so that if hes not in jail maybey jessica will talk some sence into him and probl. spend the night there. but after that shit we just went to burger king and ate salad and talked and some hotties came in and when we finally got up to leave they got up to leave too... and there was this one white guy that was sooo cute omg!...but i was dissapointed they came out and whistalled and said hey sexy! but dint stop to say hey can i get your number or somthing, i hate when guys do that do they really expect us to go over to them because they say hey sexy? oh plz! but whatever i guess it wasnt that big of a loss they were a bunch of pimps anyways so whatever!!..just he was so damn fine! kk well that all for today!
Monday, July 05, 2004
hey all
as usuall, i got tons of thoughts runing around in my head and i just need some were to get them out! soo if you can possibly even understand a single word i speek...im wanting somthing that i dont really want! I want the one thing that i despise the most love!.. the thought of never wanting to be apart and spending all your time with the one! even if only lasting for what seems like a single moment! i want it! but i dont cause i know it dosent exist! i guess it goes with the whole saying you want what you cant have! but even when i go through my stages were this thought pops in my head "hey mayby i should give him a chance, maybey i should stop being scared of the ending and look forward to all the sappy cute shit, maybey it will work out" and i do that and i either give up just at the beggining or i tell them not to expect anything, and i dont want something i just want it to go however it goes, but some how i seem to hurt them more i dont know! i just rather stay away from anyone who might want any relationship with me, im just been thinking about a convorsation i had with a good friend talking about his need for always needing to love and be loved and my constant strive to push anything i love or loves away, and im thinking about some one else that i ended it with and thinking how scrued up i am.. and knowing that i scrued everything up and sometimes i wished i hadnt but i know ill just keep doing the same thing! scruing it all up, running back to him, having the heavy burden of his feelings on my shoulders...wondering, i gave it a chance it would have worked then if it was suppose too! i always come to these questions wondering if its really worth never loving or love then the hurt? and wishing i could be like these people! and ill always have 2 views 2 feelings fighting for the final say, and in this issue i have to keep my origanial opinion that love is nothing but a fantasy! and to satisfy my other thoughts of love being true, ill go to sleep to night and ill dream! i guess basically im just worried and this misterious person whom i care for but just cant talk to happens to read this i want you to know what i coulnt call you and tell you, all of this, and im sorry and i love you, but unfortuanlly not enough to risk everything, all my beliefs on somthing that woulnt last some fantasy of mine! well thats all of my mood of wondering wondering and thinking way to much, this is just another one of the many written down thoughts of this issue and theres sure to be more, but i am tired i dint sleep much last night! so i think im going to go fall asleep in a big comfie blanket watching some corny draculla movie!
-crystal-
wow it has been one long day! ill just get to the point! last nite, i went to bed at like 2:00 and i kept wakeing up, to what i thought was telamarciters, and they kept calling on my parents line and my sisters line so finally my mom got pissed picked up the phone and relized it was the county jail she tryed to except the call but somthing messed up so she put the phone next to her and layed back down and i grabbed my sisters phone soo i could pick up if they called again..and that was at 3 somthin and i stayed up for about an hour thinking it was greg (a close friend of the familys) or timmy and travis (my cousins whom always seem to end up in jail) or my brother... something like that, when i finally went back to sleep they called abut 5 somthin and it ended up bein one of my sisters spoiled friends... and she has been doin drugs constanly every weekend...or going to some party gettin drunk and driven home so it was kinda expected! and not that i think its good that she got caught i just think she deserved it cause she has the attitude she wont get caught and dosent think about all the risk!..shes not even a citizen of the USA soo they could technically kick her out,i mean if she was a citizen it would be a totally diff. story i would just kinda be like dumb ass got caught but she just dosent! but anyways she has this new friend that shes been hanging out with and she talks amanah in to doing what ever she wants, she basically uses her cause she has a car but yeah... a cop pulled her over for a broken tail light and smelled weed that amnah friend and some other peeps had to smoke right then.. coulnt wait tell they got home! soo only arrested amnah for it! and she was calling my sis cause she needed her to call her friend and see if she was coming to get her..which her firend dint have enough money for gas so how the hell she thought she was going to bail her, i dont know?, but yeah she coulnt tell her dad cause hes going to send her back east if he finds out anything bad about her so she was trying to get bail before she had to be back home! but not sure whats happend now cause we went to astroworld for the day finally got back around 10:30 ish and when we got back my sis tryed getting ahold of her but dosent know were she is? so yeah thats that! intresting huh! im stil pissed cause i dint get my sleep lol j/k but overall i had a blast at astroworld! well thats all for now if i have something intresting or just have some burst of thought that i need to talk about ill write more then...but for now love yah all!
-crystal-
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Hey all
Happy 4th of july and God bless America! that sounds good lol...soo today i had pretty good time, slept in..watched my niece went to my soon to be sister in laws parents house around 6 and we hung out! and visted goofed around and ate, and brothers kept sneaking me drinks lol then ron (my eldest brother kept splasing a lil water on people so i got a cup full of ice cold water and poured it on him...he chased me for like 15 minutes and i eventually stopped and ducked and he tripped over me lol it was pretty funny good thing hes so much older he runs out of breath pretty fast or he would have kicked my ass.. lol but yeah he eventually got up and tryed to dunk me in the ice chest but sweet ava (my niece his daugther) started crying cause she thought he was hurting me! shes going to grow up to be like a "world peace person" and going to be against guns and fighting and war and going to start protest and stuff...i can just see it now!! but yeah anyways sooo since he coulnt dunk me and just poured water all over my back and then got me later when i was not expecting it! umm talked to everybody caught up on peoples life, whom i havent talked to in a while! it was fun.. and nathan, my bros friends and family friend came over, i havent seen him in forever hes always working but it was fun.. he colored his hair piss blonde but dint do his beard...told him he should.. says he will, and he was dressed preppy it was odd cause usually he hes wearing all his kicker stuff, the pants the cowboy hat and boots, my sis was like what are you doing? it was just kinda funny! and thats about all the intresting for today..chris (my other bro.) invited us me and my sis to go to astroworld tommorow so probl. will go there tommorow! and logan your better not be in texas yet cause you havent gotten on line and told me anything! oh lol btw thanks for the pointer on the getting wet, BOSS..its somthing that i will hold on too for life!
love yah all
crystal
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