hey all!
well today was a pretty good day! i slept in, went running with jessica, and we did a combination of fast walking then running for 4 miles.... im so out of shape, and i was in so much pain, but dint want to stop cause she excersises all the time and i dint want to be a burden...but anyways so i did that, then she asked if i wanted to go out to eat and then to the movies, i said sure, i took a shower got dressed did my hair then the makeup, you know the whole girl thing, and we went and picked up one of her co-workers then went to champs, lol it was funny like 4 waiters and the manager came over and asked if we were ok? and did we need anything? etc...it would have been cool if they were some what hot! lol i ate half a sandwich and i was full dint even eat my frys! then we went and watched "The Notebook", it was so good, jessica and the other chick (dont know her name?) cryed it was cute...lol ok ok i had a few tears but i wasnt balling like most the chicks in there it was cute, lol! but yah, defently a movie to watch with a bunch of girls! i love the writter nicholas sparks, ive read most of his books not all yet but i plan on it, i wonder how a man can write that good? but we hug out for a lil bit then drove to drop the chick off and turned the music up and rolled the windows down, i like driving with the windows down and it feels so good tonight! but yeah we just talked! got home turned on the comp. talked to my brother on yahoo messenger, my sis, and ment one of my sisters guys friend! no one was or is on aim really sooo thinking bout just getting off the comp. and going to bed!
thats about it! i needed to get away from the house do it was fun, but i plan to go running everyday, so i can get back in shape hopefully this time ill keep to my word and actually do it! ttyl
hey all, well i need to just go out and have fun, get my hoes call some pimps and just go out and do stupid shit and laugh about it! astroworld, lazer tag, paintballing, somerville some were during the day with lots of guys! then get someone to have a party, greg (has his own house but he looks over me to much like a bro.), jason (wants to fuck me, and hes a lil rich boy so should be easy to get him to find or throw a party), shane (dont know what kind of party he would take us too lol probl. drug party) hmmmm....derik (hes such a punk hottie i dont know why i dint go out with him when he liked me, what can i say im a dumbass) hmmm... we need some hotties in my naeighborhood!! i sooo... want to go to my brothers friends party in somerville, he has a lake house and they all spend the night, there all a bunch of kickers and some are so damn fine (is that wrong wanting one of your brothers best friends?hehe as long as i dont touch right? plus there like 24 wow big age diff.) anyways yeah it would be fun expecially if i got my bro drunk so he dint watch over me like a hulk and go mudding and 4 wheeling hehe! anyways got off the subject there hot guys usually do get me off my main subj. but anyways yeah i just need to go fuck around and have a great time! oh and by the way mr.boss is a hottie and its awsome that hes joining the military! never can resist a man in uniform!!! haha j/k
Just made another one of my many blogs so check some of them out!!
pictures (the newest addition):
http://czechdiamondspics.blogspot.com/
poems, quotes and lyrics: http://meanings_behind_the_word.blogspot.com/
jokes and just humorous things: http://funny_things.blogspot.com/
quizzes:
http://czechdiamondsquizzes.blogspot.com/
and just another one for me to remind me of stuff nothing important so I wont even put it! LOL and of course this one!
copy and paste in your address thing or just go to my profile and scroll down to the bottom and all these sites are there as well!!! :)
well.. some how now i feel better by getting that out of my system! so i guess this whole writting my feeling and all my shit in here is working some what! soo i guess i will actually keep this journal for a change! well thats all for now! i love you all!!
You cause me so much grief, your trying to hard!
I told you no but you wont except it,
I let you in as far as I could but you kept trying to get farther!
Am I suppose to give up all my beliefs just because you think your in love?
Have my thoughts and emotions meant nothing to you?
You call and I become upset, why would you want me to feel like a bitch!
Why do you wish for me to feel like I've done something wrong!
I don't think I led you on I don't think I lied or said I wanted more
I told you it could not be
Why do you keep pushing for something that doesn't exist!
I told you we were friends that's all we can be,
I gave you warnings, if you kept pushing, id give you up! I'm not afraid of letting you go!
But I'm afraid that I've done something wrong to make you feel for me so
I keep dangling you there
You keep climbing the rope,
I'm sorry but its time for me to let the rope fall and
For you to jump to another rope another person that will pull you up,
We are done you can delete my number I want you no more,
Don't call me while your drunk don't call me after you've done some drugs!
There's nothing left for me to fight for with you,
Your to stubborn to except the fact that I just don't have the same feelings for you,
I'm deleting everything so I can only hope you'll do the same Your name will not exist just leave me to my self,
As I have told you before that's only way I know!!
hey all!
well ive had alot on my mind as you probl. gathered from from the last post and.... it just seems like i keep on getting more to add to it! more arguments, more of Mr. perfect saying just the right thing so i just want to kiss him! and more drama that friends pile on me and expect me to some how solve all there promblems by just saying the right words, and some how even if im having the worst day i some how manage to fake my tears and turn my dramatic friends from being confused into being happy again! i wish it was just that easy for me but unfurtinally my friends crys will always be more important then mine, i wont have it any other way! maybey thats why i always seem to cause somthing to go wrong with my family, cause i let everything add up. i dont know just another one of my idea's of why and how come! but either which way, the fact still remains, that me and my family are going different directions and im just another pshychiatrist for my friends! Ill just keep taking it all in, letting it all soak up! im sure it will all blow up in my face someday but for now it seems like everybody else is just better off with me keeping my mouth shut about my feelings!
hey all, im doing it agiain, im agonizing over everything, im asking questions to myself and searching for the answer, the answers that i still cant find, im crying over everything! Im breaking down Again! i feel like taking to many pills, and letting my self slowly drift away, and go to a place that im not even sure excist anymore. Hell? The Devil? Heavan? The almighty GOD? I want to believe in somthing bigger, somthing watching over all the evils in the world and knowing even though everything is going to hell right now it will all be good in the end! but some how i cant! i cant get back to that girl that everyone loved and was always happy, really happy, not the fake happiness that i put on for everyone and no one sees through, the real happy girl! i want to be her again, i want to let everyone in to my world i want to take the chance of getting hurt but feel the happiness of loving them while you have them! i want to tell everyone all the secrets i keep to my self! and there i go again asking questions and coming with conclusions that cant be answered and wanting whats impossible to have! I want those pills right now, it be so easy to just fade away, to leave this world of sorrow, to have no worry no pain, no shield to protect your self with! and when ive faded away i want to complete it by becoming dust and i want my dust to be throwin at night into the frio river! i want to have no evidence of my living! but when it trully comes down to it i cant do it ive been at that pnt and have had the pills in my hands atleast twice but im to weak, i strive to be emotionally strong to never show it! but i still digust my self with my weakness's!
ok...... so today i forgot to take the bcp untell like 10:30 and i usually take it at about 3:00 to 4:00, i dont think it would cause anything but if anyone knows anything i dont then plz snd me a message! hehe well anywho havent called mr. e, but i emailed a whole bunch of my friends i havent talked to since school let out! kinda been stayin away from all my friends cause there so dramatic not all but some, and i just dont feel like talkin to anyone but today i did, so i IMed alot em and emailed, felt good talkin to them again!
i forgot! on a kinda happier NOTE! i started my B.C.P.'s (well my friends that she dosent use) but yeah as soon as i go to the doctor hopefully ill have my own prescription! well we will just see what happens! lol my stomach has been hurting a lil bit i was wondering if it was cause of the pills but im probally just being peranoyed and i dont really care either way! lol well thats about it! ima gonna go find somthing else to do im so bored!!!! everyone smile!! and be happy!!!
-crystal-
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