Crystal @ 12:22 AM | comment

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It seems that i have forgotten about this site of mine....and untell a few day's ago when i was googleing my name to see what showed up....i had assumed this site of mine had been deleted, but i soon found out that it was still here...and ive been reading my blogs from just a year ago.....suprised to how much things have changed and how much ive changed! im still a bit shocked looking back on my life! I feel that i must inform this blog...of the present......and which i did infact finally moved out when i was 16 and that was part of the reason that i did not continue writting in here! I also moved out of Peggy's and Moved in with my Sis-n-Law by Marriage, sandy's, apartment and my life from then untell now kinda spiraled down at a very fast pace....i continued doing the drugs, but i did much much more...and alot more severe of drugs....it would be easier to say the drugs i dint do over that smmer....! It started out with just meeting some new people and just trying to fit in, they did bars and i figured "id done it once or twice already so what was the big deal if i did it again once again!". so there was the start.....then it led to cocaine....Ice....Exctacy....Footballs....Somas...Drank....any peel you can think of! i did it! In this Drug infested time in my life....i accumilated a reputation, of being a Bigger Bitch then i was...which i thought was not possible...but leave it to me to find some way! I had taken a new made friend's love of her life.....and i dont know if it was the drugs makeing asscuses for myself of why it was ok, but in my mind it was! Now.....This boy, Kyle, Was no were worth it and i can honestly say i believe everythign happends 4 a reason and karma is most defently around us! Because i defently got what i deserved......From that point in my life, My life was a party, and as most party's it was full of Drama, Drugs, Alchohal, And Sex! Now For any1 who know's from there own experiences with this combo......its not a Good Combination! I Had Kyle Living with me and at first the only reason he was with me was to have a place to stay.....and i still question if he ever really did love me but I'm Most positive in his own little fucked up cruel way he did....But it took time for that love to even come along.....i meant so many people, experienced so much...we partyed every night...I had no time to even contemplate what i was doing...6 MONTHS of non stop Drama...partys....fucking up my life, a relationship that was on and off all the time....my heart being broken into millions of little peice...my only cure was popping a few peels....Everytime he cheated was another time i died in side! Drugs were my was away....i needed to be loved and i dint want to think about who i was hurting...i wanted to experience life to the fullest and kyle kwas there 4 it all no one else was by myside so why not love him no matter how much it hurt! The pain still continured but my life sure did change, 6 months of that drama and party's.....suddenly stopped when firstly sandy moved out....so i was staying w/ pac.....Then being fucked up one night kyle broke into a house and sure enough i followed along with Dustyn! Passed out on the floor in an broken into apartment....i woke up to someone trying to enter...The apartment manager, followed by the maintence guys, and surley enough Cops were sure to come! I was dressed in an Orange Suite with County Jail written on my back in Black letter's the next day! That little experince to completley wake me up....but Seeing "MY ONE AND ONLY TRUE LOVE" Crying his eyes out once the judge Informed us that we had an restraining order against each other for 10 months the duration of my probation! which was much worse because i took the blame for it all, because i dint want "MY LOVE" to be in jail for long! We swore to each other while passing each other in the infested halls of jail that we would never leave one another! He would wait 10 Months, i would wait! HAA.....he couldnt even keep his dick in his pants 4 a day....what a fool i was to think that he would for 10 months! well for the first 3 weeks i stayed off of all drugs and even alchohal....and Then i got a phone call from him! I had heard that he had already been sleeping with Aimiee the girl that i had stolen him from! and i heard he had moved on....which i knew was true but my heart still dropped when i heard his voice! I Cryed my self to sleep everynight because i thought i'd never here that voice again! There he was his voice.....we talked for hours on hours and he called everynight for that week....then we decided we had to see each other and he rode his bike to my house and we spent the day together! The Next 3 Months Me and kyle casually started seeing each other more and going back to the old routine of argueing all the time....and we eventually got on that comftorable level of pushing each other's buttons all the damn time and i ended it 4 good after He slept with Morgan that very same night which was former friend of mine and since then things Have Completley changed.....................He's completley out of my life.....i see him around my friends now and then but we ignore each other like the other one dosent exzist!